Hola Faithful Warriorz ~

Let’s start my story from the beginning…

When I was learning to color inside the lines, I tried my best to stay within the boundaries.

“Don’t go over the thick black line or else the picture is ruined.“

That was always the thought I had. So, I would slowly and carefully take my time to color along the line. Then, freely color in the rest because the outline was already set.

Thinking back, that’s how I pretty much colored my life. I lived by not trying to step out that boundary…or else. I thought I was covering my basis by tracing the outline, of my life, to ensure once I started coloring it in, the picture would be perfect. The perfect picture to hang on the fridge for anyone to see what I accomplished.

I was wrong.

So many times I stepped out of that thick black line learning that I will never be perfect. I learned that life will NEVER go as you plan no matter how slow and careful you trace (plan) it. It will NEVER quite be like that perfect picture you colored in your head. I took a lot or else and ruined plenty of pictures or so I thought. That fear infested so much of the perception of my own truth that my reflection became distorted like a ripple effect.

That’s okay because that’s life, but growing up I learned the hard way of my worth.

I started questioning my worth at the tender age of 5/6. Sadly, so many of us start so early and we remain in silence. I remember the defining moment. I took my time to color my art project by staying within the lines and colored going in one direction. I made sure I carefully and perfectly cut along the lines to not cut into my work as it had several pieces. At last, I finally added the final touch of gluing all the pieces together. My masterpiece was complete. I proudly brought it home and tried my hardest to make sure it would not get bent or folded. The day came to hand it over with such proudness. Nobody could tell me anything.

Two days later…..

I remember walking to the kitchen and stopped a few feet from the trashcan. There it was. I saw half of my masterpiece hanging out the trashcan. All my hard work literally just thrown away. I remember thinking my artwork was trying to climb out and gave up. I needed to rescue it. I stood there, questioning myself. Was it not good enough to save, even for a few more days? That is when I started doubting my worth and life just took on other challenges. I used to believe that maybe if I just learned to stay within those damn lines, I wouldn’t have suffered the insults, abuse, or lies. That, maybe – just maybe – life would have given me a fair chance to be me.

They say you attract what you are or believe you are – like attracts like. I never gave much thought to that theory (or statement or belief). I used to believe that I just had bad luck or bad judge of character for those I chose to be a part of my life.

As I’m on this new journey, I’m learning so much more than I ever expected especially about myself. Through my story, from my testimony, even if I changed one woman’s life….then my pain shall be your gain.