Break the Silence to the Bad Chapters in your Life

Hola Faithful Warriorz,

Let’s talk about a slow internal death called Silence.

I was having a conversation about my past, and the other person shared their thoughts with me. I sighed and smiled because the words spoken to me are the words many of us are suffering in silence fighting with unspoken battles. It’s a shame that others or society feels the need to put a label on everything or everyone.

Why, because they don’t understand our Why, only theirs.

Why didn’t you just leave or stop it?

Why are you acting like a victim because you’re still there?

Why do you come crying to me just to go back?

Sadly, I know this all too well because I was once that person asking the ‘why’. I remember some of the stories I heard about others or from others to only think “That could never be me…”. Looking at them, judging off the little I heard, because I didn’t or couldn’t understand their ‘why’.

Man, life’s lessons are a hard slap in the face, as later in life, I found myself in some of those “could never be me…” situations.

I would have never imagined some of the chapters I have in my life story. While going through them, my pain didn’t allow me to see any lessons or anything good from all this. Instead, what was left behind was me feeling not enough for anyone to love, want, or even desire me.

I’m pretty sure I can say with confidence that WE ALL experienced some type of bad chapters in your life. Maybe, not the same experiences but still bad chapters. I can’t say all, but some of us don’t share these chapters for pity. Some of us don’t even call ourselves a victim.  I, for one, don’t call myself a victim to my silent battles. I think of myself as a warrior because those battles did not defeat me, they only strengthen me for my war (story) did not nor will not stop there.

We share these bad chapters hoping the next person in our lives will embrace our whys to understand. To understand why we may not trust easily. To understand why we think the way we do. To understand why we have the triggers we do. To understand why love may be scary to us.

Also, we share to embrace the next woman we cross paths with that may be questioning her identity, existence, or purpose because of these bad chapters. To let them know, we understand. We understand the time it takes to heal. The steps it took to leave and to start over. We understand the pain that caused/causes you to question your existence. The lies repeating over and over in your head. We understand the internal scars unseen by eyes. Even the hidden ones you don’t want to be seen. We understand the silence for fear of being judged. The feeling of isolation because they won’t understand.

Now, I (unfortunately) know the why and for that, it has made me more open-minded when others share their experiences with me; even if I don’t understand, I do/did understand the courage it took/takes for them to break their silence.

So, knowing both ends…let’s flip the Why questions around to come from the ones fighting in silence.

Why don’t you see that I need a friend to listen to me, no matter how many times I cry to you, for one day your unconditional friendship could help bring back my identity?

Why don’t you realize you’re my only non-judgmental safe zone for one day without it might be the last day of my existence?

Why don’t you ask me to see my worth instead of insulting it for the right questions one day will lead me to my purpose?

If you know, then you know, there is nothing easy or quick about healing. Read about my own shared experiences in Painful Self-Journey of Losing Hope to Healing Until…. 

Silence can be very deadly. Not in the physical sense of death; although, it can be. Sometimes we fight in silence, too well, that others will be in shock after hearing our story or testimony. This is why I cannot stress enough how important it is to take care of yourself mentally. I will even dare to say it’s the most important health we have. Don’t get me wrong ALL HEALTH is vital to our existence, but without a sound mind, how can anyone even think? To think of getting physically healthy. To think of trying to do better. To think of wanting more. Simply to think anything positive, in order, to send a ripple effect out.

As they say ‘It’s a mindset’ or ‘It’s all in your head’ …Well, there is definitely some truth to that.

This is why (again) mental health is important!!!

For the spiritual side, the enemy will love nothing more but to make you believe those lies in your head. Pray for strength, guidance, comfort, wisdom, healing, and the truth.

During my past bad chapters, I finally took a step towards my mental health by seeing a counselor. I wish I had continued my sessions, but for the time I went, it did help me to talk to someone outside friends and family. I just needed to hear some unbiased advice, guidance, and/or perspectives. Not to say that your family or friends can’t give you great words of encouragement or comfort, because trust that I’m blessed and grateful for my circle. Only God knows where I would be or what I would have done without them and my Faith. 

So, even though, not everyone will understand my bad chapters of life that reason will no longer keep me fighting in silence. I will continue to share my story with my voice speaking my truth…